Part of this experience is to discover myself. Not only does every meeting, chance or intentional, bring new stories, each one changes me in imperceptible ways. 

I realized on Christmas Day that I needed to reveal myself too throughout this journey. 

Yesterday my struggle was the bacon. I had thought I mastered this delicious substance years ago. And yet I panicked before my mom and sister came over. I overthought it and my partner came to the rescue. 

I avoid failure or experiences I think I will fail. I play it safe from the creation of making certain things because I used to face harsh criticism as a child from one family member in particular. Failure is not about the lack of success or not achieving a goal. It’s the reprimanding and the fear of the unknown negative moment to come.

Enter the bacon. 

As I pulled it out of the bag, it caught on the side and elongated. I couldn’t think straight to cut it like Korean BBQ or simply cook the longer pieces all together. Everything felt like the wrong move and my mind tunneled. 

The most beautiful part came when I teared up on the couch with my mom, sister, and partner surrounding me, hugging me. 

I’m slowly healing from this old wound of not trying certain experiences due to reprimands given in the past. I’ll face my bacon head on and also cry when needed. 

It’s not about overcoming for me. It’s about facing my fears and old wounds, slowly transforming myself from the inside out.